Sleep

They look so innocent.

Sleep . . . . awwww.   I slept in this morning and it was wonderful!  As I lay there in that wonderful oblivion of here, but not here, I got thinking about all the sleepless nights I’ve had in the past 30 years.  At first it was crying, hungry babies, I thought, will this never end? I remember as they got older and I’d try to sleep in, that was impossible as well.  Susi would always come and tug on my toes to get me up.  I don’t remember David doing that, but I think it’s because he sent Susi.  As they got older the worry of what were they getting into always got me up.  Sometimes it was easier to go without sleep then clean up a big mess when I did get up.  Eventually, after five children the night feedings went away, but then came those teenage years.  I thought when they were little it was hard, boy was I wrong.

Nothing prepared me for those sleepless nights, when my children were out with their friends.  The worry about whether they were making wrong choices and getting into trouble was a lot more difficult than the late night feedings.  I could always tell when they came in and who was coming in.  You develop a sixth sense.  They each had their own noises, so I knew who it was.  Even when Siaosi and Aana lived with us, I knew who it was.  I could always tell. I was a very lucky Mom, because they would usually come and tell me when they were home and give me an accounting of the night's activities.  I was also lucky because most of the time, they met the appointed curfew.  There were a few times that if they couldn’t make it, they called to let me know.  However, the worry never went away.  Now that they are all grown, some nights I still lay in bed and worry.  Nothing is more frightening than the phone ringing in the middle of the night, and I always pray that they all will be protected. 

Sleep doesn’t allude me now as much as it did, and sometimes I think I’m making up for lost sleep.  But then sometimes I think, "I’ve done my duty, I’ve worried about my children, I’ve loved my children and they are all wonderful adults."  Now I can sleep.  Maybe.