Heaven

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.   I can’t remember where I heard this but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.  It seems that the past few months have brought significant sorrows that have broken my heart.  What can you do?  Well I’ve finally figured it out!  Heaven is the answer – prayer is the answer.  We are never alone and God watches over us day and night.  Really when I put my sorrows into perspective, they’re just blips in the road.  I really don’t have any true sorrows, just disappointments, and they pass.  We know that we will all have trials and struggles here on earth.  How else do we get better?  I love the advertisement for the Marine Corp where is shows them hardening the steel blade and what it goes through.  That’s like our lives. We must pass through trials, but we don’t have to do it alone. 

I have also found that the scriptures can be great comfort.  Alma 37:33-37 has shown how I can get better.

33:  Preach unto t hem repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ: teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.

34: Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.

35: O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God.

36: Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Yesterday we were asked if we knew anyone who was truly Christ-like.  I couldn’t help but think of Eti.  He is one of the most loving and giving people I know. While we lived on the reservation, it became so evident to me that he looked upon everyone as children of God. He has a great capacity to overlook the exterior and look within at the heart. 

Maybe as I try harder to develop this qualities, I will come to the realization that earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Courage

I have a friend who posts sayings and pictures all the time on facebook.  While I was looking this morning this one really spoke to me.  I'm teaching my students right now the book "To Kill a Mockingbird," and there is one part in their when Atticus teaches his children what is true courage.  He says its not a man with a gun, but a little old lady trying to do the best she can each day. 

I know that at the end of each day, I'm going to have to ask for forgiveness for something I've done that day.  It may have been a sharp comment, a snub, maybe even a negative thought, but I will need to evaluate and ask forgiveness.  I pray each day for my students, mostly that they will be patient and understanding to me and that I will be to them.  I think there is so much that goes on in everyone's life that we have no idea about.  Many of us struggle just to get up everyday.  I hope that I can express a greater love and encouragement to all those around me.  I hope that I can be more patient.  I hope that at the end of the day I can say I did my best.   If not, I'll take the advise and try and be better tomorrow.

Children

South Rim Grand Canyon - 1989

Searching for Gold

Look beneath the freckles
Look beneath the grin
Look for that which sparkles
Buried deep within.

Look beyond the whining
Look beyond the tears
Look beyond the runny nose
The frowns, the mess, the fears.

Search for that which glitters
Treasures to unfold
Search beneath the surface
Search and find the gold!


by Jean Warren

Mesa Verde - Summer 1989

Tabernacle Salt Lake City - 1989

May 2011 - Zeze's Birthday Party

As I've watched my children grow, I never thought the day would come when they would all grow up and move out of our house.  It has been so much harder than I ever thought it would be.  

I can't begin to describe the joy and happiness my children have brought me.  They have made me laugh and cry.   They have brought out every emotion imaginable, but most of all they have brought me love.  Watching them grow up has been worth every minute of work and tiredness.  I have watched as they have had their triumphs and their defeats, their accomplishment and their dreams.  I have sat at the kitchen table with each one of them and listened to their stories and laughed at their antics. 

I appreciate the fact that they have been willing to share their lives with me.  I have also appreciated that they have trusted me and valued my opinion.  I'm grateful for the choices they have made and are continuing to make.  I know that they will be able to handle whatever ups and downs come their way. 

I have truly found gold!

Grandchildren

Any greater joy than having grandchildren?  I loved my children, I enjoyed my children, but the worry and work that comes with them has paid off in grandchildren.  Thank you to my children for being the good human beings that they are, and thank you for giving me grandchildren.  The best is yet to come!

Cousins' Reunion

I’m thinking of having another cousins’ reunion.  Those that came had such a good time.  I don’t know when I have laughed so much and relived our childhood memories.  It will be during our fall break which is the second week in October.  As I think about it, I think I’ll follow the same format:

1.       Thursday Night – meet at the pavilion and have pot luck.  I’ll provide the meat since most everyone will be traveling.

2.       Next morning have breakfast at my house.

3.       Then maybe a trip to Snow Canyon and Pine Valley and dinner at the Branding Iron Steak House.

4.       Next morning everyone on their own, golf, temple, pool or whatever.

5.       Lunch/Dinner at my house about 2, and visit and share.

It would be nice if everyone would bring pictures on Thursday, and then I could scan them and burn a CD.  Everyone will need to get their own lodging.  LaQuinta is just down the hill and is pretty nice.  Susi might be able to get a discount.

Of course, we all realize that the older we get the more we realize those family ties are important.  As I think of my cousins, we come from all walks of life.  Some are wealthy and some are not.  That doesn’t make any difference. We all came from the same grandparents and that is a tie that binds stronger than anything else.  I’m grateful for all these people who I know love and support me regardless of how foolish I am at times.  My heart aches for those people who have no family.  In my class we’re reading “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and the kids ask why Boo Radley never ran away, and one of them says, “Maybe he had no where to run to.”   I think that’s sad.  If I needed to run away, I'd always have someone to go to.  Thank you.

Rainy - Soupy Day

Susi & David in the rain in Hawaii about 1986.

I woke up this morning to a rain storm.  What a beautiful thing.  When you live in the desert you realize more the value of water.  Although I have always liked a cloudy day where I can snuggle down and read a book.  Today was no different.  Everyone has been gone, and so I decided to make a stew.  I floured up the stew meant and fried it in a little oil with onions.  Then I added carrots and cabbage.  In my crockpot, I added tomato sauce, water, green beans and some spices.    I thought about adding a potato, but didn’t want to peel it, (I know – lazy, lazy) so I added ramen noodles and the sauce package.  It’s now cooking, and as I tasted it, I kind of surprised myself.  It was pretty good and with the noodles my family will love it.  We lived on those noodles in Hawaii. 

Just a side note, the wind is blowing so hard, I wish it would blow off my yucky old shake shingles so my insurance would pay for a new roof.  Sigh……

If Only

I was thinking today about what the phrase “If only,” means.  Of course, if we look at it, it is all about the past.  What can we do about it?  Nothing.  The past is gone.  You can’t change it, you can only learn from it.  So why do we dwell on it so much? 

I have had a problem with, if only.  I’m not sure I’m any different than anyone else, however, I only know about me.  As I look back, I have regrets, dropping out of school the first time.  But if I really look at it, the blessing of finishing school in Hawaii would have never of happened.  I learned so much more than what was taught in the classroom.   Living in married student housing with students from all over the world certainly gave me a different perspective on life.  I began to realize what was truly important, and it wasn’t material goods. 

As we left school and moved back to the mainland, we tried to instill in our children moral values and not the love of material wealth.  As we moved to the reservation, I believe that the move helped with that.  We tried to help them realize that helping and serving others is important.  We all need to realize that bad things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, it is not for us to decide.  It is up to us to help.  Some problems happen because of our choices and some by the choices of others.  At sometime we are all going to need the help of someone.   I believe that when we serve and help others, we ourselves will be blessed.  The blessings will come back to us ten fold.  They probably won’t be in material wealth, but the other blessings are so much better. 

I know that the blessings that have come into my life have been immeasurable.  I know that the friends I have made and the relationships I have developed have forever changed my life.  I have been truly blessed.

Childhood Memories

As Eti and I were coming home Friday from Aunt Dawn’s funeral, we got talking about all the fun Lynne and I had as kids.  I’ve already talked about the hair dryers, but as I got thinking I couldn’t help but chuckle.  When we were about 8 or 9, my mom and dad took us to Mesa Verde.  We sometimes took Lynne along on our vacations so I would have someone to entertain me.  Anyway it was a long drive and this was before air conditioning in the cars, so we had all the windows down.  I can remember taking tissue and tearing it into little strips.  We’d let the strips go and they would swirl around the car, and we would laugh and laugh.  As I look back on that, I can’t believe that Daddy and Mom would let us do it, but I remember them glancing at each other, and it must have been the joy of children’s laughter that allowed us to keep doing it.

Another time we were at Fish Lake with the family.  We usually went down for the 24^th of July with all the Myers cousins.  Anyway, we were in our trailer playing cards and eating cookies and drinking milk.  We got laughing and soon the milk was being spit out of our mouths and coming out our noses.  My mom came in and got so mad.   She claimed the trailer would smell like sour milk, imagine that?  Anyway we would laugh uncontrollably for hours. 

I remember one trip to Grand Canyon and even though I don’t remember one specific incident, I remember that we would just look at each other and laugh.  There were trips to Bryce Canyon, American Fork Canyon, Payson Canyon and the mentioned Fish Lake.  When we went on the trips with all the family, I do remember being tortured by Bette, Colleen, Jay and Gerald.  Aren’t cousins’ fun?

Sleep

They look so innocent.

Sleep . . . . awwww.   I slept in this morning and it was wonderful!  As I lay there in that wonderful oblivion of here, but not here, I got thinking about all the sleepless nights I’ve had in the past 30 years.  At first it was crying, hungry babies, I thought, will this never end? I remember as they got older and I’d try to sleep in, that was impossible as well.  Susi would always come and tug on my toes to get me up.  I don’t remember David doing that, but I think it’s because he sent Susi.  As they got older the worry of what were they getting into always got me up.  Sometimes it was easier to go without sleep then clean up a big mess when I did get up.  Eventually, after five children the night feedings went away, but then came those teenage years.  I thought when they were little it was hard, boy was I wrong.

Nothing prepared me for those sleepless nights, when my children were out with their friends.  The worry about whether they were making wrong choices and getting into trouble was a lot more difficult than the late night feedings.  I could always tell when they came in and who was coming in.  You develop a sixth sense.  They each had their own noises, so I knew who it was.  Even when Siaosi and Aana lived with us, I knew who it was.  I could always tell. I was a very lucky Mom, because they would usually come and tell me when they were home and give me an accounting of the night's activities.  I was also lucky because most of the time, they met the appointed curfew.  There were a few times that if they couldn’t make it, they called to let me know.  However, the worry never went away.  Now that they are all grown, some nights I still lay in bed and worry.  Nothing is more frightening than the phone ringing in the middle of the night, and I always pray that they all will be protected. 

Sleep doesn’t allude me now as much as it did, and sometimes I think I’m making up for lost sleep.  But then sometimes I think, "I’ve done my duty, I’ve worried about my children, I’ve loved my children and they are all wonderful adults."  Now I can sleep.  Maybe.

Reflections

As we were driving home from the funeral, Eti and I were reflecting on our family.  We commented on how good it was to see everyone.  We were also discussing the importance of funerals and the reflections that they bring about.  He allowed me to tell the numerous stories of my childhood that were brought to my memory.  We laughed.

I will be forever grateful to those relatives who showed such warmth and affection to Eti.  He is easy to love and is such a good man.  He has great insight and while we were talking, we started discussing the funeral services.  They were so beautiful.  The tributes were perfect the musical numbers were beautiful.  I’m sure that Aunt Dawn was pleased with all of it. 

After the funeral, as were going to the cemetery, Beverly and Dean pointed out the graves of my other Aunts and Uncles that are buried there.  Again a flood of memories came back to me and I realized the older I get the more I realize how valuable those family memories are.  The dedication of the grave was wonderful, and I am so grateful to those who conducted all of the events, chose the speakers, musical numbers and prayers.  I was so impressed by the humility and dignity of those that handled everything. 

Family

I’m certainly feeling a little sentimental today.  I was thinking about the meaning of family, so I looked it up in the dictionary.   There were several definitions, but the one I liked best is this: all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.   When I think of that definition, and if I count my blessings by the number of “family” I have, I am truly blessed, almost too many to count! 

I’m grateful for that old pioneer stock that believed in large families, (that and the lack of birth control).  I look at both sides of my family and am completely amazed at their work ethic and determination.  They have left me such a legacy that I can’t even begin to describe it.  I’m hoping as I blog that some of those memories will come back to me and I can write a few of them down.   What I hope to do, is leave my children and grandchildren the same kind of legacy that was left me,  one of love, discipline, work and companionship.

Hair Dryers

As I come to work each morning, I stop on the landing between flights of stairs.  There is a huge vent there that blows out warm air.  I love the feeling.  Anyway this morning as I stopped and stood under it for a minute I couldn’t help but reflect  where I first loved to sit under a hair dryer.  It was over at my Aunt Dawn’s house.  This brought back a flood of memories, since it is her funeral tomorrow.  She was a beautician and Lynne and I used to go down in her shop, and if we weren’t playing jacks on the floor, we were sitting under the hair dryers reading.  To me that warm air equates with love, acceptance and fun. 

As the years passed, I didn’t go over as often, so I bought my own hair dryer and believe you me it held me in good stead.  I used it all through college to block out the noise so I could study or sleep.  Even after marriage, I hauled a hair dryer to Hawaii.  It got me through those tough sleepless nights when babies wouldn’t sleep.  In fact, I used to lay Susi beside me and she would sleep so soundly hearing the noise of the hair dryer.  Ta’ei would snuggle up close to me under the hair dryer until he was too big to fit, age 13, I think.

Many times as I would be lying under my dryer, Eti would knock on it to get me to come out.  I’m still not sure how he felt about it.  He's accepted it now, what choice did he have?  I’ve gone through numerous dryers, but I have one today in my closet and just a few weeks ago, when I wanted the feeling of love and acceptance, I crawled under that dryer and took a nap.  Who knew they could be used for so much more than just drying hair?

Reservation Life

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Reservation Life

While living on the reservation, one spring Ta’ei got chicken pox and pneumonia at the same time. Once again, I thought will I ever live through this? But, it is well documented that I did. We had a wonderful Navajo doctor, Dr. Little, from Page who didn’t require that we put him in the hospital. He made me promise that I would stay home with him and give him breathing treatments. After I said I would, they gave him two shots, one in each side of his little bottom. They were so painful that he cried and cried. Dr. Little sent us on our way with the breathing machine and promises of staying home.

What so impressed me was that the next day, after sitting up all night and rocking Ta’ei, Dr. Little came to the house to check on him and make sure he was okay. I was so grateful to a good man who knew how nervous and frightened I was. His visit reassured me that Ta’ei was going to be all right and that there were good men in the world. This was just one of many incidents that I had children sick or at the emergency room. It seemed like there for a while we were at the Dr.’s office all the time.

Monday, February 22, 2010

"The Red Tent"

I started reading the book, "The Red Tent." I wasn't sure I would like it. I had just finished reading this part in the Bible about Jacob or Israel and his 12 sons. There is a brief mention of Dinah, their sister. This book is written by a Jewish woman, and of course it is historical fiction, but I found myself captivated by the customs and traditions it mentions. I also really like the fact that it is written from a woman's point of view.

In the Prologue we read. "No one recalled my skill as a midwife, or the songs I sang, or the bread I baked for my insatiable brothers. Nothing remained except a few mangled details about those weeks in Shechem."

She goes on to say, "If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and then listen carefully. Stories about food show a strong connection. Wistful silences demonstrate unfinished business. The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's life -- without flinching or whining -- the stronger the daughter. " This struck a cord with me, because I thought, "What do I know about my mother?" I think when we're young, we are too involved with ourselves to care, and then in my case, when I'm old enough to appreciate the stories, my mother is gone. I'm going to try and write down what few stories I remember of my mother, a strong woman who bore children during the depression and worked in a navy yard during the second world war. A woman who sent her oldest son off to war, lost a son on his way to be married and lost a loving husband way sooner than she should have. As I think about just a few of these details, I hope that I can be strong in ways that my mother was strong. She accomplished many wonderful things, mostly through hard work and faith. Mom, I miss you.

Sorrow

Yesterday I heard a song and the last lines had such an impact on me. They were, "Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal." As I thought about that, I thought about my "sorrows." I really have very few sorrows, I would rather count my blessings than sorrows, but there are times when I feel sad. I decided to think about that a little more. My sorrows have come from when I was not doing what I should be doing. Mostly, I would say they are sins of omission. I believe that I have been greatly blessed in my life and I need to "Pay it Forward." I don't do this like I used to. Maybe that is a sign of age.

I then thought about what other "sorrows" I have. They are very miniscule, but I do feel bad when my children make choices that I wished they wouldn't. Even though they are adults, maybe because they are adults, I would like to see them use their time more wisely and also "Pay it Forward." However, they are great people, and I suppose a time will come when they will see the value in that.

Nevertheless, I think its a great line for all of us to remember: "EARTH HAS NOT SORROW THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL."

Thursday, February 18, 2010

"Stay on the road"

I picked up a book today called “The right Words at the Right Time.” It is a collection of stories that were put together by Marlo Thomas. I’ve read it before, and so I thought I would just glance back through it. Something caught my eye. I was looking at Jay Leno’s comments. His message was that some people do better when others are watching, like him. Then I flipped through a few more stories, and the one by Dennis Miller, another commedien caught my eye. He said that when he was young trying to get started into show business Jay Leno told him one night to just “stay on the road.” As I read that, several thoughts came into my mind about how easily we are distracted from our purposes. I thought about my education. How easy it was when I was young, to quit college and get a job. Only to find myself ten years later back in school, and how much harder it was the second time around. How further along I would be, if I hadn’t left. Then I thought about my spiritual goals and the side paths I’ve taken there. How much closer to where I want to be if I had not side tracked. How much better of a person I could be and the people I could have served if I hadn’t got side tracked.

As I think about it even now, how easy I become side tracked instead of staying on the road. I think that in order for us to be successful in life, we have to “stay on the road.” We cannot be easily diverted for whatever reason or excuse we can come up with, it will harm us in the end.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

High School Activity

Today my student teacher, Leah, did a fun assignment with my seniors. We are reading Robinson Crusoe and so she had them build a shelter out of newspaper. It was fun to watch, but more interesting to listen to the comments that were made. After the activity and clean up began, we had had those who said, "It's not my fault," "It's not my responsibility, let someone else do it," or my personal favorite, "I don't want to." (In a whiny voice.) I know that these are good students and yet I fear that they are taking these attitudes with them when they go to find jobs or continue on in college. More and more there are those who are not willing to take responsibility for their actions, or anything else for that matter. I guess soon enough, hopefully, the leaders will emerge.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

High School Seniors

As I was reading Senator Buttars proposal to get rid of 12th grade, I began thinking about what he really is proposing. Seniors are an unique group of students. First, they are the leaders of the school. They show the younger students how to act in certain situations. Second, many of them would not get scholarships if they didn't attend their senior year. Also they add a certain depth to the school. Most of them are just about ready to continue on with their life, but that extra year really helps them get there.

In these tough economic times, what would these students do? Would most of them be able to find jobs? Would they be prepared to enter the workforce, or college for that matter? I have many students who still do not bring a pencil and paper to class. Most of them, I know will be sucessful in their endeavors, however I feel that it still will take time for them to "get there." I think forcing them to make that decision earlier would be very detremetal to them and to society.

And there are those very few, who because they have nothing to do will end up in trouble. Maybe then the state will have to allocate more money for the penal system. I, for one, do not want that.

I enjoy these students, they add much to my life, and I feel like I contribute to theirs. One year can make a hugh difference.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Native Americans

As most of you know, we lived on the Navajo/Hopi reservation for nine years. So the other night as I was watching the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics, I was extremely impressed to see them include their native peoples and give them such honor and credit. I enjoy learning about our Natives, the different tribes, ceremonies, customs, etc. I learned much while living among them. The Navajos have a saying, "Walk in Beauty." I think this encompass so much.



While living and working there, I met a great friend, Barbara Lombardi from Texas. She had seen a presentation when she was 13 about the Navajo Indians, and so all her life she wanted to work with them and teach school among them. She taught me about their sacred number "four." This little information held me in good stead on many an occassion. I remember once when one of my students had taken something from another student. I asked him. "Did you take ______'s pencil?" He said, "No." I asked him again, "Did you take _______'s pencil?" He replied, "No." I repeated myself again. Same answer. Then I said, "This is the fourth time I'm going to ask you. If you do not tell the truth, you'll be boxed in." So I asked one more time, making sure I said this is the fourth time, and he replied. "Yes, I took it."



I learned that they used the number four for many things. It represented to them the four seasons. They honored the first four clans, their four sacred mountainas and four colors, black, white, blue and yellow.



In most Navajo rituals there are four songs and multiples of four as well as symbolic uses for this multiple. The Navajo are taught that they are nurtured by four values, Life, Work, Social/Human relations and Respect/Reverence. This is what helps keep them to be well balanced people.



The more I learn about different cultures, the more I feel I could implement some of these things in my life and make it better. We are surrounded by rich cultures where we can take the good from them and improve our lives. I believe that we are all on this earth to help one another, to teach and uplift one another. We are here to see the good in people. We are here to help each other.

Last night I asked the question, "Who am I?" Well, I am first a mother, and to prove that:

Yesterday Emilee and Nate moved into their own apartment, and though I was really glad for them, because this is why we get married, to leave home, right? Anyway, I was glad for them. They moved to a nice apartment in Hurricane. After unloading everything, Emilee and I were on our way home, she pulled out a book called "Momisms." I got reading it and realized that all those sayings I've been saying all my life are not new to me or my mother.

Then this morning as I am chatting on line with David, my oldest son who is married with two children, I asked him what he was doing. Well, as I suspected, he was playing his xbox. The mother in me came out as I said, "First we work, then we play." No response from Dave, and I thought, I guess it doesn't matter how old your children are, they are still your children. So if my children are expecting me to quit using "Momisms," they are going to be sadly disappointed. Stay posted for more "Momisms."

Friday, February 12, 2010

While not being able to sleep last night, I decided that I would jump into this blogging thing and see where it takes me. I have had a lot of interesting experiences, as has everyone. When I tell my stories, people say, "Why don't you write a book?" Well, I decided that this would be my way of writing and reflecting on what has gone on in my life. It will be interesting to some of you, and others, not so much. I have had good and bad experiences, all of which have made me who I am today. Who am I? I am just an ordinary person trying to do the best I can with what God gave me. Sometimes, I fall short of my goals, and sometimes I achieve them. I am no different than anyone else, but hopefully to my family, this blog will jog their memories of some of the experiences we have had, and some that I have had that may explain why I have done what I have done in life.