Aunty

I went to “Aunty” Noe’s funeral on Monday, and as always it was a bitter sweet experience.  The talks given by her children were sweet and to the point.   As I looked at them, a flood of memories came back.  I taught several of them in school and was young woman’s leader to the others.  The Bishop spoke a few words and he pointed out something that I had not thought about before.  He said that as he had visited with the Tahus, one word kept coming up and that was “Aunty.”  He made the comment that being an Aunty is different than being an Aunt.  An Aunty is someone extra special, someone who is always there, someone who will fill in if your Mom is not around.  An Aunty is someone who deserves love and respect.  Then he made the comment to  the young women in the audience, that they should strive to be Aunties.  I thought that was very appropriate.

As long as I have been married, we have called all the older women in our lives, and some younger, Aunty.   They have been supportive and loving.  They are here to tell you when you are doing something wrong, tease you, teach  you, and love you.  All my life, I have had loving caring Aunties, some were related and some were not.  I’m grateful to each and every one.

Here are a couple of pictures of my “Aunties.”

Peaches and Tomatoes

            As I was looking at the few tomatoes on my kitchen table this morning, I couldn’t help but think back about the bushels and bushels of tomatoes and peaches that my mom used to bottle.  She would spend hours peeling the peaches and placing them in “Ball” brand bottles.  She would make the syrup, pour over the peaches and then seal them with “Kerr” lids.  I can still see the whole process today.

            She had a grinder that she would turn by hand that would separate the tomato peels and seeds and juice them.  I still have this gadget somewhere in my garage.  Anyway, I remember one night when I was quite young and a thunder storm rolled through.  It was lightening and she was making tomato juice.  She had a cutting board that was built into the cupboard, so she could just pull it out.  I remember sitting under that board listening to the thunder and Mom hard at it working on the juice.  For some reason, that is a comforting memory for me.  I felt safe and secure under that cutting board at my mother’s feet, during that storm.  She was always a hard worker.  After she was done, it was always my job to haul the cooled fruit to the basement and put it on the shelves.  The shelves got full and I'm sure Mom felt a great deal of satisfaction see the product of her work. 

            I have always loved fall and the harvest that comes with it.  God has truly blessed this country with bounty.  I hope we can continue to protect it and keep it free!

           

Seven Habits

This past week when I heard the Stephen R. Covey had died, I couldn’t help but reflect on his book ­Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  A few years ago, the school district had me go to a week’s worth of training on the seven habits.  I then in turn had to spend three days instructing teachers and administrators in what I had learned.  I found it a little intimidating, because it was mostly principals, but I feel like many of them were impressed with the information that I gave them.  I must say that the principles taught there certainly changed my life.  I have since encouraged my students to read the book and implement the habits in their lives.  The seven habits are:

 Habit # 1

Be proactive

• Take initiative

• Manage change

• Respond proactively

• Keep commitments

• Take responsibility and have accountability

• Have a positive influence on results

Habit # 2

Begin with the end in mind

• Define vision and values

• Create a mission statement

• Set measurable team and personal goals

• Start projects successfully

• Align goals to priorities

• Focus on desired outcomes

Habit # 3

First things first

·         Execute strategy

• Apply effective delegation skills

• Focus on important activities

• Apply effective planning and prioritization skills

• Balance key priorities

• Eliminate low priorities and time wasters

• Use planning tools effectively

• Use effective time-management skills

Habit # 4

Think Win-win

·         Build high-trust relationships

• Build effective teams

• Apply successful negotiation skills

• Use effective collaboration

• Build productive business relationships

Habit # 5

Seek first to understand then be understood

·         Apply effective interpersonal communication

• Overcome communication pitfalls

• Apply effective listening skills

• Understand others

• Reach mutual understanding

• Communicate viewpoints effectively

• Apply productive input and feedback

• Apply effective persuasion techniques

Habit # 6

Synergize

·         Leveraging diversity

• Apply effective problem solving

• Apply collaborative decision making

• Value differences

• Build on divergent strengths

• Leverage creative collaboration

• Embrace and leverage innovation

Habit # 7

Sharpen the saw

·         Achieve life balance

• Apply continuous improvement

• Seek continuous learning

In order to truly understand these habits, you need to read the book.  It gives detailed explanations of what he means by these habits.  Covey also has a book out that has stories that complement the habits.  Many of them are inspiration and well worth the read.  I’ve never met Covey, but I believe that his books are inspired and influential throughout the country.  I think the leadership principles there, if applied, would make this world a much more honest place, and a world full of people with integrity.

I would recommend this book to anyone.

12 Step Addiction Recovery

These past few months we have been studying “Addiction Recovery Program, a Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing,” in church.  I wondered about this choice but as we have continued to read and study, I’ve realized that we all have addictions.  Some of our addictions are more dangerous than others, but nevertheless, we are addicted.

Some people consider addictions to be simply bad habits that can be conquered by willpower alone, but many people become so dependent on a behavior or substance that they no longer see how to abstain from it.  They lose perspective and a sense of other priorities in their lives.  Nothing matters more than satisfying their desperate need.  When they try to abstain, they experience powerful physical, psychological, and emotional cravings.  As they habitually make wrong choices they find their ability to choose the right diminished or restricted.  As President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught:  “Addiction has the capacity to disconnect the human will and nullify moral agency.  It can rob one of the power to decide. (Ensign, Nov. 1989)

Addictions can include the use of substances such as tobacco, alcohol, coffee, tea, and drugs and behaviors such as gambling codependency, viewing pornography, inappropriate sexual behavior, and disorders associated with each.  These substances and behaviors diminish a person’s ability to feel the Spirit.  They harm physical and mental health and social, emotional and spiritual well-being.  Herein is the problem.  When we cannot feel the promptings of the spirit we are left to make many of our decisions and we will not accomplish the many things that our Heavenly Father has planned for us. 

The twelve step program includes:

 

Honesty

2.      Hope

3.      Trust in God

4.      Truth

5.      Confession

6.      Change of heart

7.      Humility

8.      Seeking forgiveness

9.      Restitution and Reconciliation

10.  Daily Accountability

11.  Personal Revelation

12.  Service

Periodically I would like to write about my experiences with these steps.  I think they are extremely important to incorporate in our lives.  Someday, I hope my thoughts and feelings on all of this will be beneficial to someone.

Hip Replacement

Well, I’ve been laid up for a couple of weeks and so I haven’t been writing.  I had my other hip replaced, and they say you can’t compare surgeries, but how can you not?  Anyway this one has been a little harder, or at least from what I remember.  Although I no longer have the pain in my hip and leg that I was suffering through. It has been harder to come back and do the rehab.  What  I find interesting, when you have something like this come up in your life, is how it affects the people around you.  That’s where one of the difference in the surgeries comes in, not the surgery, but the people around you during recovery. 

I have always been very blessed to have such good people around me, and this summer is no different.  Eti decided not to work the paint crew this summer, and so he has been home with me helping.  I am amazed at his patience.  I am not an easy person, and he is so good to come when I summon and do what I need.  My children have also been very good to help although you can see that some of them are not as willing to help.  What most people don’t realize in their eagerness to help, is that I usually just want someone to visit with me and do my little projects with me.  I have appreciated the food that has come in and have needed it and loved it, but I have LOVED those folks who have been willing to come and spend some of their time with me.

I find that in this world of rush and hurry “time” is one of the greatest commodities we have.  It also seems to be one of those things that we are willing to give up.  We need our “personal” time.  I believe that if more of us, me included, would spend more time visiting those people around us, neighbors, friends, associates, etc. we would create a more rewarding existence.  Many times I have told my students and my children, when we leave this life, all we’ll take with us is our knowledge and our relationships.  We should work on both in this life.

Staying Young

This past week we went to Disneyland with our grandkids. If that doesn’t keep you young, I don’t know what will.  Anyway more on that, but I found this somewhere.  I tried to find the author but didn’t have any success.  I thought it had some pretty good advice that we could all use to help us enjoy our upcoming “golden years.” 

How to stay young.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.  This includes age, weight, height.  Let the doctors worry about them, that’s why you pay them.

2  Keep only cheerful friends.  The grouches pull you down.  (I think this is a big one.  You’ve got to have someone that makes you laugh and laugh hard.  See number 5)

3. Keep learning.  Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.  Never let the brain idle.

4.   Enjoy the simple things.

5.  Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen.  Endure, grieve, and move on.  The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.  Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music plants, hobbies, whatever.  Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it.  If it is unstable, improve it.  If it is beyo9nd what you can improve, get help

9.  Don’t take guilt trips.  Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.  Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.  AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

My Boys

 

David Lafaele, Eric Lafaele, Ta'ei Lafaele, Etimani Lafaele, Nathan Schwalger, A'ana Lafaele - 2010

 

Ta'ei Lafaele, Eric Lafaele, David Lafaele - 2006

 Ta'ei, Eric & David
Mom's Funeral
December 2000







I came across this somewhere on the internet.   I tried to find the author.  I thought it had some pretty good ideas.  I would probably add a few more to it, but it pretty well covers it. 

I used to think I was a good mother, until they grew up and there are days when I really question whether I am or not.  I guess we all go through life, just trying to do the best we can, and I can honestly say, I did the best I could. 

20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son

1. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don't take something away from her that you can't give back.

2. Play a sport.  It will teach you how to win honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble.   And maybe even throw or catch.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.  Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young because you're going to need it some day.  

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom.  Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly.  Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.  This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.  Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts" is because they're "private".  Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.  Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. Be patriotic.

18. Potty humor isn't the only thing that's humorous. 

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.  My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.